How AKB0048 is like the Catholic Church

WARNING: Spoilers follow, reader discretion advised.

In the current season of the AKB0048 anime, we get an inside look at one of the intergalactic idol group’s arcane rituals: the selection of a “successor,” when an idol’s power of the Force latent idol-ness kicks into overdrive and she takes on the identity of one of AKB48′s renowned members from the early 21st century. Similarly, just a day or two ago, we got to witness one of the Catholic Church’s arcane rituals: the papal conclave, when the Church’s top leaders elect a new pope and the freshly-appointed pontiff takes on a new name to reflect this great change.

There’s a lot of power in names, especially famous names that are linked to powerful organizations with a rich tradition. Okay, so maybe being able to do the MIX (“Tiger! Fire! Cyber! Fiber!…”) isn’t quite as ~traditional~ as being able to say the Lord’s Prayer (“Our Father, who art in heaven…”), but let’s roll with the fictionalized world of AKB0048 and assume that future-AKB probably is as powerful as the Church. And let’s suppose that the mention of historic names like Mariko Shinoda, Minami Takahashi, Mayu Watanabe, and so forth might, someday, be held in the same esteem as that of St. Francis of Assisi. To that end, selecting one’s successor name is a very weighty choice. It’s not like you just walk in one day and say “I’m gonna be Acchan!” and BOOM you get to be Acchan after 3-4 years of training and study. It is a very powerful, personal choice that goes far beyond just what happens on stage and in front of the cameras.

Is AKB48 coming back IN AMERICA?

At last year’s Anime Expo I was approached by a staffer who was doing, by the looks of it, a little “market research.” It was just your basic customer questionnaire about stuff like “How long have you been going to AX,” “What kind of AX events are you interested in,” “Who were your favorite guests at AX,” “Who is your favorite Doctor,” actually no they didn’t ask that last one because when I go to an anime con I expect to engage in the hobby of ANIME and not be surrounded by freaking cosplays of DOCTOR WHO. Anyway. Last week I got a follow-up survey where AX is trying to figure out what kind of music acts they should be bringing to this convention.

To be succinct, the survey was asking which music guests, among Anime Expos of the last few years, were of greatest interest TO ME. So like they wanted to know if you like Kalafina or Hatsune Miku or [hold the punchline] Animetal USA. And if they brought back THAT guest, would you be interested in seeing them again.

YES, we could be once again be graced by Yasushi Akimoto’s shit-eating grin.

Shaved Heads, Inscrutable Orientals, and the Loli Law

The storm has subsided. The locusts have moved on. The Minegishi video is being taken down, according to a new posting from AKB48 general manager Tomonobu Togasaki. But not for the reasons one may have expected. This resolution is one that rings hollow at best.

Over the last day-and-a-bit, international reaction to the video grew to a level where there was a netwide campaign to flag the video and have it taken off YouTube. I don’t know how many flags it takes to set off the alarms in YouTubeland, but if a rageful Tumblr post with several thousand notes says anything, then AKB48′s webguys probably found themselves with a pretty big pile of Notifications in the morning.

Approximate portrayal of international reaction to Minami Minegishi’s apology video. (Source)

HOWEVER, read the translated message carefully. According to Togasaki’s statement, “I have received many requests from the fans saying ‘We have fully understood Miichan’s sincerity, and so we would like for the video on YouTube to be taken down.’” It’s as if he doesn’t even realize how angry people were—including much of the Japanese public, who said “That’s just going too far”—or has blinded himself to it and is responding with a canned, cold statement.

Basically, sorry AKB’s not sorry.

Stand By Miichan

EDIT II: Video gets taken down. My reaction & analysis to this turn of events.

EDIT: After ~doin’ mah research~ I took note of Togasaki’s Q&A piece, stating that Minegishi showed up to film her video apology already shaved, much to the surprise of the staff. So, whether the tinfoilhatters still wanna believe she was “forced to do it,” I dunevenknow man.

Oh, and now Perez Hilton’s brand of yellow journalism has picked up on this story. I think we’re just going to have to keep watching as it develops.

I think Miichan is kind of a genius for pulling such a shocking, theatrical stunt—her scandal has gone viral in ways that no other AKB member’s ever has. If this is her scheming way of getting a little extra “screen time,” of flashing her rebellious side by showing up The Management, I’m impressed that she can still play the media-manipulation game even in a state of distress.

* * *

I am surprisingly calm.

Maybe part of me was just waiting for this to happen. “Get into Jpop,” they said. “Idols are cute and fun!” they said. “THEN THEY’LL TAKE AWAY ALL YOUR FAVORITES,” they didn’t said. So I’ve just been waiting all these years, waiting until they ‘got’ Miichan, because you don’t get to be as big as AKB48 without having a giant target painted on your back for the gossipmongers to take aim at. And with all the shots they’d been taking recently—Nacchan, Rumifu, Sasshi, the HKT quintet, Yuttan, Chiyuu—I was quietly dreading the day some of those rounds would hit MY oshi.

And then it came, and I had no tears or despair or outrage left to spare. Just blank, void … nothingness. It’s something so unjust, so illogical, so evil, that I have no feelings to feel about the situation. And no, I’m not going to watch the video. I don’t think I ever will. Why contribute even ONE pageview to an act of shame that will just disturb me really badly?

STAND UP FOR LIBERTY, MIICHAN.

ONE Storyline From the Finale of AKB48 Request Hour

No one was ever quite sure where they belonged.

They came at a time when AKB48 was already a Big Thing, a time when you could ask random people on the street and they kinda-sorta knew about the group, a time when all the teams had been filled and the trainees from the last few auditions had been promoted. So now you had a bunch of girls who were looking for an opportunity, but had no place to slot themselves in.

They’re even cuter in 2D! (Source)

As they grew to a reasonable number, they were rounded up into Team Kenkyuusei, which technically meant they were available for performances but didn’t have a set structure the way the “letter” teams (A, K, and B) did. Instead they were more of an amorphous blob, shifting in size and shape depending on the immediate needs of the AKB Theater: their main role, it seemed, was to substitute for members who were absent from the regular teams on performance days. I confess, I didn’t really follow them back then, because how do you root for an amorphous blob? Why get attached to someone whose future was a giant question mark?