Aika Mitsui graduated for your sins

Morning Musume’s 8th Generation may go down in history as the “Cursed Generation.” These were the girls who had to preside over the group’s bleakest era, a time of creative bankruptcy when bubbly, energetic charm gave way to boringly “mature” songs and unnecessary glitter and synth-strings and 3 1/2 years straight of minor-keyed singles. THREE AND A HALF YEARS. I counted. If you wanted to find anything more musically monotonous than that, you’d have to go to that organ piece that’s supposed to last 600 years and the last time they changed a note was in 2009 or something.

The curse began with the selection of Aika Mitsui, who was nobody’s (okay, hardly anybody’s) favorite in the Happy 8 Auditions, who had to deal with mean-spirited jokes about her weird face and weird voice, who could only watch as sales continued to decline and a bunch of nobodies called AKB48 began their long climb up, who had to watch as other former 8th Gen auditionees would go on to be gravure queens (Yuki Kashiwagi) and multi-genre soloists (Yuu Kikkawa) and adorable potato-faced hamsters (Sumire Sat0rrrr). She would never live up to the single-member generation that came before her; Koharu became an anime icon and a morning show co-host and left the group as an aspiring fashion model, while Aika is leaving the group limping on her bad foot.

Japan’s Sweetheart Steps Down: The End of the Beginning

Everyone else: ACCHAN'S LEAVING?!! Miichan: Yessssss more screentime for me.

It was the announcement no one ever wanted to happen, but would someday be inevitable.

Though I doubt anyone ever expected it to come this soon.

Atsuko Maeda, a founding member of AKB48 and one of the most visible celebrities in Japan, has announced that she will be graduating from the group.

Memories of Yuuka

Gone, but never forgotten.

It’s been three weeks and I still haven’t entirely gotten over it.

And something tells me, I don’t think I ever will.

When the news of Yuuka Maeda’s graduation broke, I was standing in line waiting for the SNSD fanmeet in New York, which was pretty much the weirdest feeling in the world because I was super excited for one event while SIMULTANEOUSLY having my heart broken. And if anyone wants to know what happened next, well, after they herded everyone into the performance hall and started playing SNSD videos, I finally let the tears stream down my cheeks, in the dark, where no one could see.

It was the one goodbye I never wanted to face. And now it was just over two months away.

The End of the End and the Beginning of the Beginning

An anonymous stupid ass wota once said that Morning Musume went down the hole in popularity because the lineup became stagnant sometime around 2007. That is a hilarious LIE. If anything, the group’s decline—not just in sales but also in pop-culture relevance—began much earlier than that. As early as 2003 you would see manga or TV show punchlines along the lines of “I can’t remember who’s in Morning Musume anymore because all the members changed.” In other words, the general public’s problem was not the lineup always being the same, but the lineup changing too much. It was a dynamic, unusual way to run a idol group—but it also confused the hell out of people. (It also led to condescending, English-speaking J-entertainment writers making unfortunate comparisons to Menudo.)

IN REALITY, if I were to list the causes of Momusu’s current trajectory in the Japanese pop culture landscape, it would go something like this:

1) the natural showbiz cycle
2) everyone’s original favorites left
3) Tsunku ran out of great song hooks and the producers ran out of good arrangements
4) Poor marketing management
5) AKB48

HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!11 about that last one, btw.

The hardest goodbye

It is almost too daunting to answer the question, “What does The Great Ai Takahashi Graduation of 2011 mean to Morning Musume?” You have to go back to basic principles and answer things like, “What is Morning Musume about? Who are they? WHAT are they?”

These Fresh Legs Are Made For Walkin’

Did you know what you were going to do for the rest of your life when you were 14 years old?

I didn’t, and I’m guessing Saki Ogawa doesn’t either.

GRATUITOUS PIC WITH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT

That may be the best way to rationalize the unexpected announcement that Ogawa, one of the “original four” of idol unit S/mileage, is dropping out of the group and TEH Hello! Project altogether.